One Act Play

Setting- Middle o' Nowhere Land

Characters- bus driver (non-speaking role)1, bus driver 2, workaholic, that family, the guy with allergies, the old lady, the crazy person, snobby chick

Scene: (The scene starts with all the characters sitting in what would be staged as a bus-like seating arrangement, quickly running through each of the characters entrances for the audience to view them individually first hand. Workaholic enters the bus in a business suit with brief case, a cellphone and a Bluetooth multi-tasking both talking and texting at once. The family gets on, they look cookie-cutter stereotypical, the kids being frustrating and/or bickering with each other, the parents are as dorky as it gets. The man with allergies enters, tissues overflowing from his pockets, coughing, sneezing, hacking up mucus, etc. The older woman steps on, she wears a hand knit looking sweater cross necklace and glasses with her tiny purse clutched tight to her. The crazy man enters the bus, his clothes are mis-matched and habits consist of darting his eyes left to right and murmuring to himself. The stuck-up woman gets on the bus, she wears expensive looking yet gaudy clothes and is reapplying lipstick as she walks. The bus driver will be kinda quiet and tired looking, does not appear very awake, and keeps pulling out a pink/purple pill bottle  The bus driver passes out at the wheel, and the bus crashes into a tree.)

(everyone jerks foreword abruptly)

Workaholic: (nearly drops the cell phone in his hands) What the hell was that?!

Old Lady: Oh, dear! What in heavens just occurred! It nearly scared me half to death. 

Father: (stands up) (cheesily dramatic voice) I think we crashed!

Snobby Chick: Crashed!?

Allergies Guy: (sneezes rather loudly) 

Daughter: (tugs on mother's sleeve) Mommy, what happened?

Son: (also to mother) (not sounding frightened as much curious) Are we gonna die? 

Crazy Man: (manic hysteric laughter in background, not done in reaction to anything any of characters said, just laughing to himself) 

(confused, uncomfortable, and weirded out glances are shot at crazy man)  

Mother: (stands up and notices the driver has not moved) (turns to husband) Sweetums, I'll go check out the driver. (gets up from her seat and inspects the unconscious driver) Ooh my! It looks like someone has a little bump on their head! Oh, and what's this? (finds the bottle of pills in his pocket) Benadryl. 

Allergies Guy: So he fell (cough 2x) a-(cough)-sleep at the- (cough 3x, inhale, cough, inhale, cough 2x) wheel and then (hacking)-hit his head in the crash and (cough 4x, clear throat, sniff nose) 

Snobby Chick: But what about the bus?!

Old Woman: (speaking from outside to in) Well I'm no mechanic, but I'd say this thing is busted to entirety.  

(everyone rushes outside to see the damage)

Workaholic: No no no no! This can't happen now! If I don't get back to the office in an hour I'm crucified!

Old Woman: I was on my way to see the grand kids. They were so excited to see me, and grandma only gets to visit a few times a years. I don't get out of the house as much as I use to, you know.

Snobby Chick: Excuse me, I had a party to go to! I'd say far more important than a job, or some bratty kids! Those are everywhere, but this night was supposed to be once in a life time.

Old Woman: Well that was rather impolite, young lady. 

Snobby Chick: Bite me. 

Son: (bites snobby chick's leg)

Snobby Chick: Ow! Get off me you little-

Father: Whoa there, that's my son you're talking to.

Snobby Chick: Well your son, (say "son" in disgust) just took a bite out of my flesh! And I don't have to listen to you anyway, I can do whatever I want.

Mother: (trying not to loose her cool) Hun, I would suggest if you knew what was best for yah, that you would not talk to my husband like that. 

Snobby Chick: Well at least your husband is worthy of even having me speak to him.

Mother: (loosing her cool) Cover your eyes kiddos, (rolls up sleeves) it's about to get pretty ugly.  

Allergies Man: Stop kicking up all the dust! It's making me- (sneeze two or three times)  

Workaholic: Would you please shut up, I'm trying to make a call!

Snobby Chick: It's not gonna work, we got no service.

Father: Well there has to be some way to contact someone! Does anyone have ideas?

(the group goes silent)

Crazy Man: (mumbling quietly, as he has in the distance the whole time)

Father: (to crazy man) What is it man! Speak up! Anything you say could be helpful in getting us home!

Crazy Man: (looking at father, then others now staring at him as he is about to speak) (says nothing but some squawking and random gibberish) 

Workaholic: (sarcastic) Ah yes, because asking a man with no brains to speak always leads to the answer! 

 (all start fighting again) 

Allergies Guy: (coughing entirely through speech ->) Maybe... we should... (coughing becomes too much and he doesn't finish speaking) (is drowned out by the noise of fighting people anyway)

Old Woman: (yelling above the arguing voices) All of you, quit your gabbering!

(everyone shuts up)

Old Woman: Thank you. (starts inspirational speech, background music slowly fades in to be present at the end, others reacting, speaker's voice clear and dramatic sort of) Now I know we have our differences, our own ways of thinking and acting, that at this very moment some of you may want to kill each other, and I understand that. Back in nineteen sixty-t-

Workaholic: (irritated) Come on lady, let's get to the point!

Old Woman: (scowls at workaholic, then expression fades as she gets back on track) Anyway, my point is that. There is one thing we have in common folks, and that is our want and desire to get out of here. I may just be a small wrinkled lady on my own, but as one mind of all of ours, we could accomplish something. We could get out of here, but to do this, we're going to have to work together. 

Now who's with me?

(All characters slowly join. In exact order, it goes as follows in dialogue, a few second between first few and last one, following an arched motion of speech.)

Allergies Guy: (sneezes, wipes nose with sleeve) You know what guys, (sneezes again and turns to others) I think she's right. Fighting isn't gonna get uh- uh- uh- ('US' mid sneeze, wipes nose again, nasal inhale) anywhere. (turns to old woman) I'm in.

Father: Me too.

Mother: Sounds good to me dear!

Son/Daughter: We wanna help to-o!

Crazy Guy: Yaaaaaa!

Workaholic: Eh, why not. Without wifi I'm screwed alone. I'm in.       

Snobby Chick: (thinking pause, sigh) Alright.

Old Woman: See, isn't this wonderful? All of us joining together like this, it's reminder that not everything is lost in this world. Now let's get to wor- 

Daughter: Mommy! Mommy! I see another bus! 

Mother: What sweetie?

Daughter: (points down the road) Look!

(everyone turns and looks offstage, bus noises are made, door sound, man walks out from stage left)

Bus Driver 2: Morning folks, looks like quite the crash you've all been in now. Don't worry we're here to pick you up.

Old Woman: Why, thank you very much sir. But may I ask, how did you find us?

Bus Driver 2: Ah, when we got no response through the bus radio. We bus drivers can communicate through radios like truckers do. When this unit made no response to my call, I asked our operator to send me this here bus's route. Just drove until I found you. 

Workaholic: Well that was anti-climatic.

Snobby Chick: You're telling me. Welp, all this touching, children's movie plot stuff has made me thirsty. Who wants some coffee? 

(simultaneously) Workaholic: Yup! /Allergies Guy: Some nice, hot liquid would be good for my throat. /Mother: Coffee would be lovely! /Father: Mmm hmm, now we're talking! /Crazy Guy: (nods head rapidly) /Old Woman: I wouldn't mind a cup for myself.

(all walking off stage where the bus is supposed to be)

Daughter: Mommy, what's coffee?

Mother: Oh, it's an adult drink, honey.

Daughter: Like the bahrk-ardy stuff you keep under the bed?

Mother: Shh, not now honey. (patting daughter's head)  We can talk about this another time alright?

Daughter: Okay.

(as they finish walking off stage, lights go down)